I woke up with a start at 2:30 this morning. I heard something, but in my slumber didn’t know if it was a beep, a bang or the boogie man.
I walked around the house checking electronic devices, making sure doors were locked, and looking through the windows for aliens in the night sky. I was just walking into the kitchen when the phone rang on the wall beside my head. My heart jumped.
I didn’t recognize the number and i thought (hoped) it was a wrong number so that I could put the drama to rest and go back to bed. No one responded when I said, “Hello?”. I could hear people in the background, muffled voices, but no conversation. I wondered if someone had inadvertently bumped a button in their britches sending a signal into my sleepy silence. I wondered which friend was up at 2:45 in the morning. Whoever it was finally hung up after a minute of pocket chatter.
Looking up the number in my database was an action that I considered, but the mental cobwebs were thick enough that I decided to let the surreal story wait for its solution till sunrise.
Just as I was walking back into the bedroom the phone rang again. It was right next to Jamie’s head and woke her up this time.
The call waiting registered a different number but the result was the same. No voice, just noise. I strained my ears to hear anything I could make out. And then, “Captain?” It was one of my staff from the discipleship school who was on outreach with my students in the Philippines.
“Yes!!!” I hollered back, finally gaining some understanding of the phone issues.
And in a calm and concerned voice she continued, “Captain, sorry it is so early but I just wanted you to know that we just found out that…” and the phone went dead.
The next hour and a half Jamie and I stewed through the possibilities. I won’t list them here. They aren’t pleasant. My emotions raged. I was frustrated that I wasn’t with them to protect them, to guide them, to lead them. I was angry at others. I was fearful of the unknown. I was powerless and out of control.
So we prayed- “Papa, give them wisdom. Keep them safe. Be there with them.”
There is a comfort that comes with surrender. Situations can remain the same but in the absence of the need to control there is a peace that is a greater force than understanding. And yet I still try to understand. I surfed the pages of the internet looking up links to breaking news in the Philippines but finding very little. I located the actual number of the phone my leader was using. I sent an international text message to her with ideas of how she could contact me. Then I collapsed back onto my pillow, exhausted and wide-awake.
We prayed again. “Please, Papa…” and the phone rang.
It was my friend Chris who helped orchestrate the outreach in the Philippines. He was currently 20 hours away from them, but heading their way on a bus. The students were also on a bus heading to meet him. They would hook up later on Wednesday.
Chris explained to me that the Philippines had been advised that there would be a gargantuan earthquake Wednesday night in the islands. Based on what happened in China this last weekend (major earthquake, still counting the dead) the Philippines were abuzz and everyone was in fear. We didn’t talk long but he assured me that the students were all okay and he was in touch with them.
After hanging up I processed the story with Jamie. I was relieved and again frustrated. Who was reporting the impending doom? Chris had heard it from a radio personality who had called him with the warning. Who had he heard it from? Was he “in the know”? Last thing I knew earthquakes weren’t something you could predict.
So I got back online and found the updated story in one of the Philippine newspapers: “Strong Philippine quake Wednesday night a ‘hoax’—officials.”
Now I knew. Now I could rest, except that I knew that those I loved and cared about were still in fear.
The phone rang again. It was the leader, trying valiantly to connect with me once again. “I can’t hear you,” she said, “but I’m going to continue as though you can hear me.” She went on to tell me about the potential earthquake, how the students were together and safe. She wanted me to reassure their parents that they were all okay. Then she hung up.
I had no way of telling her the truth, of letting her know that the biggest fear in the islands was fear itself.
There is much to learn in this story of a sleepless night- communication contingencies, premonition protocols and aftershock awareness, but personally it is the chaos I create when not being in control that challenges me to the core.